My hope is that your new romantic opportunity is enjoyable, fulfilling, appropriately challenging, and a chance to understand yourself and your middle-age restlessness in a way that brings you a broader understanding of your soulful strivings.
I saw 50 creeping up on me and I flat-out panicked. Some decide to seek new partners, others turn to pornography, still others discover gay or bisexual feelings and want to experiment. That is quite a contrast of simultaneous attitudes, and I am curious about how you experience or navigate them. Irreconcilable impasses?
I suffered pain beyond expression, as he rejected me twice a few weeks into our separation he said he would give me a chance to show change through counseling- which I have made huge progress- just to be told he wants to pursue someone he just met hence the second round of grieving, which was stronger than the first. Jenn the woman left behind. I just read this and am agreeing ,my ex husband also went through a rough time and could or would not handle it.
In the process, I let my marriage go. You are excited about your new romantic prospects, that excitement being a desired state of being. Throughout this entire time, getting close to 15 years now, I can say it was all for the best, no matter how horrible it was. I do love him, and I am feeling like I have been rebirthed or Risen from the Ashes and see so much out there to experience.
You imagine you will either be happy or not happy, have the time of your life or its opposite. In your case, it sounds like something sparked an enormous hunger for a new romantic start.
Women are relevant in the dating and relationship market from puberty to about mids. no one is telling women that their days, in terms of value to men, are ed.
I hope I have not scared you all but it is real. A person shows you who they are and if they did it once, they are capable of doing it again. Darren, I appreciate your thought-provoking response and sympathy for the wife left behind. He likely had a of affairs for 3 years or so prior to separation, and then started a relationship with a supposed good friend.
Though it is that anxiety, as Jung also noted, that prompts us to focus on what we want our life to be about. The question I pose to you then is how long should one sit patiently and wait for something that may or may not be fulfilling?
Competition on dating apps is going to be stiff in , so you're going to have be on your best behavior
The marriage was not healthy, and there was manipulation involved, as well as a lot of other issues, some of which I never knew on his end since he never shared them with me. In middle age, of course, one begins to notice changes in terms of stamina, perhaps more aches and pains, worsening eyesight, and so on—which is why many seek counseling. They say around the 5 yr mark you begin to see a change and yes I was told he misses me and yadayada its way to late. Wishing all peace, sleep, healing, and growth as you move through this time in your life.
Jenn and Karen, I can so relate to both of your stories. The specter of turning 50 scared the hell out of me. Please fill out all required fields to submit your message. He divorced her about three years and married the woman with whom he was having an affair.
2. go where people like the same things you like.
I am wondering how those situations typically play out, especially in the case of affairs with younger women that lead to relationships. I do feel ashamed about that, and knowing I hurt my wife, whom I still love, will probably eat at me for the rest of my days. They are still married and have 2 young girls. You make scant mention of the state of the marriage when the new relationship began.
Hopefully, you will give me hope that midlife crisis relationships can work out.
As a person, there would have been no way that I would have been able to grow as an individual as within the marriage. The very large wealth gap had always caused problems. First of all, yes, this is extremely common. Instead, I am wondering: Do you see a lot of these types of situations in therapy? But those differences can often be worked through to find a vitalizing, intimate center, if both partners are willing.
We are talking about potentially working together in the near future. People like me who make big, risky decisions as part of midlife crises? They sound like my own story. I am also in the medical field.
I doubt it because he was going through the fear of age and the beginning of erictal disfunction. Women experience middle-age anxiety as well, albeit in different ways. He married a woman that is a wonderful person from a family I enjoy spending time with. But Jung is right in that we need psychology to understand what is happening to our inner subjective world, not just the material or external circumstances. It is all more complicated than it appears, to my mind.
I wonder where that comes from.
My divorce is only in the early stages, but I am already thinking of proposing to my girlfriend as soon as it is final. But in the absence of hope, I will take the truth.
I am that guy now—the one who leaves his wife for the hotter, younger woman. Most of life happens in the middle of the spectrum, in ambiguity rather than certainty. I seriously needed help ,I wonder if I had handled it differently if he would have came back?
Long story short, I went online and discreetly began talking to women as young as half my age.
Thank goodness I went and withdrew a large sum of money for me and my son. I have decided that I would never take him back under any circumstances.
Were there unresolvable issues afoot? My husband was angry, blamed me for everything wrong in our marriage and within a few months had moved out. Then a few more women. I do agree that something drastic needed to occur to propel us into change, IF own could be salvaged. Submit Your Own Question to a Therapist. It has been a few months since he left and through desperate determination I am getting through this. By commenting you acknowledge acceptance of GoodTherapy.
At the sex time, there is a chance to live life within an expanded perspective and awareness of what is important to us, rather than just following the path we started out on in our 20s and 30s. The years or so after the divorce were horrible, and I found a good counselor and finally an attorney who Your called my knight in shining armor for being the buffer in dealing with all types of custody issues.
There are many good, wanting and healthy people out there. I am at a point in all of this that I could reconcile if he were to commit and make changes himself, or move on and commit to living a happy and fulfilling life without him. He too has left me and has sought a relationship outside of our marriage.
1. the ‘you’ll find love when you’re not looking’ approach may be wrong.
I would be curious, were we to talk, about how you decided none of this can happen with your wife. Thank you! Sometimes couples counseling is required to help jump-start a deeper dialogue.
I am also the left woman this year. We might also note there is an unfortunate tendency to marginalize or minimize the benefits of old age, along with the inevitable difficulties and anxieties.
Thanks for rating
You are not, after all, about to turn It is no doubt scary to find oneself cresting over middle age, with a glimpse of the descent that is rife with uncertainty. Will it be with him, or should I move on? The other curiosity I am left with is the specificity of the fear presented to you by your age. The specifics vary, but the majority of men I treat who are struggling with marital intimacy and sex or lack thereof are in their mids or later.
Affairs on his end, and angst and animosity on my end- ultimately losing respect for him and love for him.
Welcome to dating in the modern era
I am not writing to be told what an awful husband I am, or that I should go back to my wife not that she would have me. He got his Divorce and 90 days later was remarried.
His actions prove he is not worthy of a relationship with me. We were married for 31 yrs ,its devastating.
The fds handbook is a mixture of common rp knowledge, steve harvey quotes, and old fashioned dating advice, like “the rules” book from the 90s.
I would like to think, though, that I will have spent my sunset years having the time of my life. Not long after my 48th birthday, I started having persistent thoughts about time slipping away, getting old, and letting go of my dreams. I have no misgivings about the notion that this all came about due to a midlife crisis. Your question about how these relationships play out indicates concern or anxiety about the future. A month later he was in a relationship with someone else and throwing it in my face.
I think it is, at heart, about certainty. In fact, I had to read your question several times before I began to intuit what you might be asking.